Moms,
Let’s get real about two stressful times: postpartum and the holidays. I remember when I was gearing up for the birth of my baby everyone around me was preparing me for labor/delivery, and the moment when my baby is born where I would “instantly fall in love with the new bundle of joy,” which is totally what happened, aside from the screaming, the sleep deprivation, and the fact that I was pretty sure I'd just given birth to a tiny, pooping dictator. Not enough people warned me about the whirlwind of hormonal shifts that I was about to experience - about 90 birth control pills worth after giving birth. I found myself with this strange little being who could only cry, eat, poop, and sleep… totally dependent on me to keep him alive. I remember asking more experienced mothers for advice on how to better manage my postpartum mental health, only to be told “sleep when the baby sleeps” or “I just didn’t think about my anxiety.” I really wanted to ask about this magic button where I could switch off my brain and still be able to care for my newborn, household, and myself. How wonderful, right?!
Enter holiday season. Everyone is beaming about this new baby. People start asking what the baby wants for gifts, wanting to visit/video chat/be there for every holiday first. But most loved ones seem to forget to ask about someone just as important: YOU, the sleep-deprived, overwhelmed mom. Well, I’m here to tell you that you have not been forgotten about. All your feelings are legitimate and valid. Here are some tips that I wish were shared with me as I look back at my first holiday with my baby.
Limit social media use
Most of us have seen it… the “put-together” Instagram mom with perfect hair who managed to cook a full thanksgiving feast with her newborn strapped to her, while well- polished children play in the background. The truth is: we only see a tiny portion of someone’s life on social media. Most people don’t capture the meltdowns (moms and kids alike), diaper blowouts, breastmilk-stained clothes, and messy homes. This sets high (unrealistic) expectations on us moms who don’t always have it together and further erodes our mental health.
Ask for help
You are not a bad mother for needing a break. Ask your partner for help if you have one, even if it’s helping change diapers to make nighttime feedings more efficient. Don’t be afraid to tell them to send you an UberEATS or spa gift card if family asks about Christmas gift ideas. Enlist local family to come help with chores. Maybe someone can come by while mom gets an hour to herself. You may just need 15 minutes to sit in silence to cry a little. Most loved ones want to feel helpful, and this can give them a chance to spend time with the baby. There is also no shame in finding a mental health professional who can support you through this time.
Connect with other moms
Not all moms have local support, possibly due to strained family relationships, relocations, or military life. Motherhood can feel very isolating, putting us at greater risk of developing postpartum depression. I moved to another state in the middle of my pregnancy and felt totally uprooted at such a vulnerable time in my life. It took time, but I eventually found my village. There are places out there to connect with other moms. Look into a new moms’ support group, local moms’ group on social media, or mom and baby fitness/hobby classes. There are also hotlines (included below) for support when we just need to hear a friendly, reassuring voice. There are even resources out there for non-birthing partners!
Know that it is okay to say “no”
Loved ones make the holidays special. They can also make them super stressful. Holidays with a new baby often means a barrage of phone calls/texts asking “when can we see the new baby? Is baby coming to our house for [insert holiday]?” I’ve heard stories of moms packing up their newborns to travel to multiple peoples’ homes on Christmas so the whole family can see the new baby, disrupting their routine and exposing baby to potential seasonal illnesses. Know that it is okay to say “no” if you do not feel up to it. Maybe that means taking the year off with hosting dinner or limiting the number of visits.
Honor your postpartum body
Your body just did something extraordinary! Whether you sat hours through the discomfort of a vaginal delivery or major abdominal surgery, you brought another human being into the world. Your body probably doesn’t look the same as it did pre- pregnancy. Surround yourself with people who lift you up. Be cautious of the people who make negative comments about other peoples’ bodies or shame someone based on them indulging in a few holiday treats. Again, limit social media to avoid posts of the few women who can afford a personal trainer to help them “bounce back” immediately. Eat heathy foods that give you positive energy. Go for a walk, stretch, and move your body pending clearance from your medical provider. Practice gratitude by focusing on the incredible things your body can do.
The first holiday season with a new baby can be both exciting and demanding. Remember that you are strong, magical, and worthy. You have entered a wonderful, yet unbelievably nerve-racking chapter of your life. Know that we all need a little help sometimes and that is completely okay. Keep going momma, you got this!
If you're feeling overwhelmed or experiencing distressing thoughts, please know that you're not alone. Reach out to Empower to Change at 813-445-8575 or contact emergency services immediately.
Resources:
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline
1-833-943-5746 (1-833-9HELP4moms), 24-7 call or text available
Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net)
Warmline: (800)944-4PPD (4773)
Free online support groups & mentor programs
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 988 (24-7 support)
Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741
National Domestic Abuse Hotline – 800-799-7233 or Text SMART to 88788
Note the information provided in this blog is intended for educational purposes and not a substitute for professional medical advice.