Embracing the Quiet Rebellion of Self-Compassion
- Julia Galleguez, LMHC
- Jul 20
- 5 min read
When you hear the phrase self-compassion, you might imagine something gentle: taking a bubble bath, wrapping yourself in a warm blanket, or offering kind words to yourself after a tough day. Those are wonderful moments, but self-compassion is more than softness. It's also incredibly brave.
International Self-Compassion Day falls on Saturday, July 19th, and a gathering of psychologists and compassion-focused therapists from all over the world share tools, stories, and research about what it means to care for ourselves from the inside out. While these ideas are gaining more traction with the general public, they can still feel countercultural to our bones.
The Pressure to Follow the Milestone Map
Today, many of us still feel pressure to follow a familiar list of life milestones: graduate, find a job, find a romantic partner, buy a home, and raise a family. But these expectations often don’t take into account unique abilities, interests, values, goals, or realities. In fact, they’ve become increasingly out of sync with modern life. Financial challenges like inflation, student loan debt, rising housing costs, and job instability create barriers for even the most well-intentioned planner. Add in the emotional weight of global uncertainty, and it makes sense why so many feel anxious, stalled, exhausted, or even defeated.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone and you’re not wrong to feel that way. But here’s the empowering part: there is a different way to respond, and it begins with an intentional shift in how we treat ourselves, both internally and externally.
Why We Struggle to Be Kind to Ourselves
To understand why self-compassion feels so foreign at times, it helps to look back.
In early American society, particularly during the Puritan colonial period, strong emphasis was placed on values like hard work, self-discipline, and sacrifice. People were taught that goodness came from back-breaking effort and suffering. Rest or self-prioritization? Those could be seen as selfish and met with retribution. These ideas trickled down through generations and are still echoed in how we often evaluate our worth today: in our productivity, our performance, or our selflessness. Additional cultures that followed and became part of the American tapestry reinforced these ideals as well.
We’re often encouraged to show up for others, lend a hand, or “push through.” And while those are meaningful practices in a community, they can sometimes push out something equally important: showing up for yourself. Pausing to rest, creating and reinforcing boundaries, or even celebrating mini successes might feel uncomfortable or indulgent at first. But it’s actually a sign that something deeper is shifting. Change, even healthy change, is uncomfortable at first simply because it is new.
What If Self-Kindness Is a Rebellion?
Here’s a thought: maybe self-kindness isn’t weakness, perhaps it’s a resistance to something that does not serve us.
When we choose to be kind to ourselves, even when we’re still very much struggling, we’re actively stepping out of a system that tells us we’re only worthy when we’re producing, achieving, or pleasing others. That’s a bold move. Self-compassion interrupts the cycle of self-criticism and unrelenting standards and makes space for something more flexible, more uniquely you. It’s a gentle but powerful redirection from externally imposed expectations to inward alignment. It’s not bowing out, actually quite the opposite. It’s showing up for yourself in a deep, meaningful way. This act can feel like a rebellion because it challenges the messages that have been passed on for generations and accepted as truth. But it also nurtures authenticity, satisfaction, and an opportunity to forge a meaningful life.
Getting to Know What Matters to You
Once you relax the grip of external expectations, you might begin to notice something surprising: space. This opening affords you the opportunity to reflect on what’s meaningful to you, not just what looks good on paper or fits your grandparents’ list of adulthood tasks.
This process of identifying your personal core values helps to create your life compass. It helps you realize what is truly fulfilling and reminds you of places you’re already making progress, it’s valid to give yourself credit.
Some reflective questions to ask yourself are:
What moments in my week brought me energy or calm?
What do I most enjoy giving my time or attention to?
Which values were taught to me growing up, and which ones do I want to keep or leave?
Exploring these questions with genuine curiosity can lead to surprising insights about your direction and identity. It’s a quiet, but powerful act of discovering your true needs and initiating the process of accepting them.
Practicing Self-Compassion Daily
Like mindfulness, self-compassion is a practice; it’s something you utilize often, and is most helpful in times of struggle or chaos. A leading researcher in the field, Dr. Kristin Neff, identifies three core parts:
Self-kindness – offering warmth instead of criticism.
Common humanity – remembering you’re not alone in your struggles.
Mindfulness – staying present with what’s happening without judgment.
The following activities allow you to tap into these core parts:
A self-compassion break: Pause in the moment of discomfort and gently say, This is hard right now. I’m not alone. May I be kind to myself?
Guided meditation: Following along to a soothing voice that brings in affirming phrases for you to absorb, or even repeat to yourself at a later time.
Journaling or verbal reflections that gently affirm your experience.
Radical acceptance: allowing all parts of you to exist, even the messy or uncomfortable ones.
Mindfulness and grounding exercises to center in the present.
And just like with mindfulness, you don’t need to do this perfectly. These are flexible, accessible tools meant to meet you where you are at.
What You Might Notice Over Time
When practiced regularly, self-compassion can lead to:
A more stable and unconditional sense of self-worth
Improved emotional resilience
Greater authenticity and comfort in your relationships
Healthier boundaries and clearer communication
A more compassionate inner voice
Increased satisfaction with your body and abilities
Essentially, it supports a shift from striving to being, from self-correction to self-connection.
Conclusion
Self-compassion isn’t about giving up or letting yourself off the hook. It’s about showing up for yourself as you would for a dear friend. It’s allowing yourself to be a full human: simultaneously flawed, brilliant, tender, and strong. On this International Self-Compassion Day, give yourself just a moment of care. That one moment might open a door to a more sustainable, peaceful, authentic, and joyful way of being.
In a world that constantly pushes you to be more, do more, and fix yourself, choosing kindness might just be the most rebellious act of all.
Sources: Ning, Kang. (2009). Puritanism and Its Impact upon American Values. Review of European Studies, 1(2). Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74:193–217.
