The Power of a Pause

A calmer life is just 10 seconds away. Shift from reaction to intentional response with this simple technique.

Let’s be real, we all can feel rushed and in a hurry. And it’s not just with our responsibilities, but also with our thoughts. Think about it, something happens, and before we’ve even thought it through, we react. Our primal response kicks in. A response so deeply entangled in our nervous system where the amygdala, the brain’s worry center, takes control and drives us right into mishaps of raw emotion. We say “yes” to things we don’t want, we fire off emails we regret, and we make choices that might look good in the moment but feel wrong later. If this sounds familiar, I want you to know you aren’t alone, but also know there is something that can help!

You need 10 seconds. That’s all you need.

So what’s the hurry? Our brains are wired to act fast to survive, but let’s face it, our ancestors had very different perceived threats than we experience today. Thousands of years ago, the emotional response from the amygdala kept us alive by instinct to respond quickly to keep us safe from threats and out of harm's way. But now? When those clusters of neurons set off alarm bells, it can throw us into “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” mode which is most likely doing us a disservice due to how human interaction and modern society has evolved. Most of our “threats to survival” that trigger us these days are just emails, meetings, or difficult conversations. When we react too quickly, our survival brain takes over and our thoughtful brain gets pushed to the back of the class. This is where those 10 seconds come into play.

The Power of a Pause

Try this: When you feel yourself about to react, you may be about to say something, commit to something, or rush into a choice - PAUSE instead for 10 seconds. That’s all. In these moments, take a breath, notice what is happening, and just give your brain a little space. The pause isn’t a sign of indecision or weakness, but instead it creates a distance between what is happening and how you respond. And within that distance, thoughtful and wise choices exist. The pause is a testament of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. When we are able to give space for the initial raw emotion to subside, we are able to regain control of our prefrontal cortex, where the brain’s rational mind exists, and in turn we are able to respond in ways that better align with our values and objectives. 

Just 10 seconds? Ten seconds is short enough that it can be incorporated, with practice and intentionality, into everyday interactions and situations. It is short enough to not require anything in particular like closing your eyes or a quiet room, like meditation practices might include. However, it is long enough to break the autopilot loop the brain tends to repeat. To start this practice you may simply count to 10 (or fifteen or twenty, if you so choose), to give your rational brain time to catch up with the emotional brain.

Notice when triggered and breathe deeply. Take those 10 seconds to physically manifest the pause and calm your emotional response by taking a few deep breaths with a long exhale.

Within those 10 seconds, you can reflect and ask yourself, “Is this what I really want to say?” or “Does this decision match my values?” or “Will my immediate reaction serve my long-term goals? ” That is powerful!

When you begin to put the pause into practice, notice the shift and see how your response changes. At first, you might feel impatient and that is normal. With practice, it becomes second nature. Like anything, it gets easier the more you do it.

But What Does it Look Like?

Here are just a few examples:

• You’re at work and someone gives you yet another task to be completed. You may take it on and say, “Okay, I’ll take care of it.” Instead, you pause. You breathe. Then you say, “Let me check my priorities and let you know.” Now, you can work on your commitments without taking on more than you can handle.

• When you’re at home, your partner says something that irritates you. Typically, you may snap back at them. But instead, you take the 10 second pause, and breathe. You remember your partner may be struggling too. You choose patience instead of picking a fight.

• You’re scrolling and see something that makes you feel “unsuccessful and behind in your goals.” Normally this would make you spiral. But instead, you pause. You remember social media is often a highlight reel and not the full picture. You decide to check yourself and not fall into comparison.

Such a small shift can change everything. With anything, this gets easier with practice. Start small. Pick a trigger, incorporate the pause and notice the shift. You will notice that after some practice life feels calmer. Things become more manageable because you are changing the way you meet the world. It isn’t about slowing down your whole life, but it is about giving your brain the space to reset and get off autopilot. You get to choose how you want to show up.

So next time you are about to react, remember that you don’t have to be in a hurry to react, have the right answer or fix anything. You just need 10 seconds to pause and breathe. You get to choose how you want to respond and that is how you transform your life.